My new film: Poltergeist 2009: Fatal Error #EA10976

A young producer (Elijah Schwansen) is visited by ghosts in his computer at work. At first the ghosts appear friendly, waffling playful emails to the amusement of everyone, then they turn nasty and start to terrorise the department with perverse links that leave them vulnerable to deadly viruses before they finally abduct Elijah into a dark brown closet, which seems like the entrance to the other side.






Available on Blue Ray and DVD: October 32, 2009


(not playable on desktop computers)

Baba Ganoush scored another Chickpea. #46 Kick Ass Gurantee.

Once upon a time, there was a Chickpea in the park. Chickpea was hungry and wanted to make a yummy pita sammich for lunch. But Chickpea's tiny hands made it impossible to roll up the ginormous pita. As she struggled to get the big fat pita rolled up, Baba Ganoush happened to walk by. He used his big magical Baba hands to roll up the pita and transformed it into a burrito! Chickpea was so grateful and enchanted that she offered herself to Baba Ganoush and they became one under the Golden Sun.

The End.

Cleft Lip Baby Doll

They got the cleft on the lower lip instead of the upper lip - otherwise an excellent educational tool on congenital defects for kids. Dressed in bunny suit to enhance visual associations. Get one for your child today!

What is your self worth?

I believe it's 256+385=641

Fashion Drop Out

Ever since I was 10 years old, I have dreamt of becoming a fashion designer. I never craved for the fame of having a label under my own name, the glamourous attention of a runway show, or the power of running a thriving fashion empire. All I wanted was to satisfy my desire to create - to weave every strand of my artistic fibre to push beyond the patterns that masks the barren canvas which we call "vogue"- in order that it can transcend into an art of its own that will only keep growing in the most unpredictable directions.

As I grew older, I learned to see beyond that. I learned to appreciate being in my own skin. There's nothing more organic, and nothing that will grow more unpredictably in such unspeakable beauty. Each crease adds character and each fold adds volume that reflects my internal growth.

From this day on, I vow to dedicate my life to become a full-time nudist. And one day too, like the admirable being below, I shall achieve Nirvana.

http://isaacs.aeroplastics.net/artwork.php?title=1998_matrix_of_amnesia&year=1998&img=1

Broadcast Standards

We can’t call someone gay or say that something is gay… unless you’re referring to sexual orientation.

I, as Chinese, can’t say anything derogatory against Chinese people. But I can make fun of a particular Chinese person. It’s not ok to stereotype unless it’s a positive comment, such as, all Chinese people are good at math. You also can’t refer to a particular ethnicity in a degrading manner, such as calling a Chinese – chink, Pakistanian – paki, or a black person – n*gg#(.

It’s not good enough to cover nipples or genitals. Nipple tassels, fingers, and cock socks are not sufficient for full censorship. The entire breast / pubic area must be pixilated or covered by a solid block.

You can show bum. PG programs obviously will have less number of shots than 14+ shows.

You can’t call someone’s breasts “titties” or “tatas”. But if you’re referring to your own breasts, it’s ok. Below is an exceptional scenario when you can call someone else’s breasts “titties” or “tatas”:
Brenda: “I’ve got huge titties.”
Mark: “Indeed, you do have huge titties.”

The word “bang” can be used to a certain extent. You can use it as a word to describe sex, but not for explicit details. For example:
Steve: “Dude, did you bang that chick?” – ok
Steve: “So how hard did you bang that chick? Did you do it like - boom boom bang bang?” – not ok

The same applies to the term “Lemon Party”.
Annie: “I had fun last night at the lemon party hawhawhaw….” – ok
Annie: “OMG, I just walked into the nastiest lemon party last night… [followed by explicit detail that I don’t want to get into]” – totally not ok

When you are referring to a senior as senile or a crazy person as schizophrenic, they’d better actually be senile or schizophrenic. To assume or accuse someone of being senile or schizo is absolutely unacceptable.

Hosts shouldn’t be drinking on air and alcohol and drugs shouldn’t be glamorized. You can have someone picking up a casual drink on a show, but no binge drinking or implying that drugs are cool.

Any of the above can be excused under unexpected circumstances during a live broadcast if immediately followed by a sincere apology.




fresh.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lemon+party

Crisis resolved

So my editor, Tim, pointed out that I made a typo in my previous posting. My sincere apologies to everyone who may have been offended or disgusted. The typo is now corrected. All is good again - the world can keep on turning :)

one.time.

my boo said we'd be trippin' to the hood.
Shawty's gonna bust mad rhymes and we gonna be breakin' out till dawn.
Crunkin' wit dem cool kids around Spliff O'Clock...
Den the gang will hit up Chinatown fo sum after hours wonder-pho time.

Cha-Chink! Here's a pic of ma grandmasta!

jyeah... she's a flake


Dis is da real deal

Pace y'all. Recognize.

The Benefits of My New Regulated Work Schedule

Yesterday, I arrived to work at 10:05am, had a salad at 2:00pm, and went home right on the dot at 6:00pm.

The sun was still shining bright. I admired the beautiful gardens and Victorian houses as I strolled through the Annex area.





For the first time, I caught the 7pm news on Fairchild when I got home, prepared dinner in the meantime and waited for my kids and husband to come home.

We had a very pleasant dinner. My husband didn't beat me and my kids ate all their veggies. To show my gratitude, I decided to treat them with some homemade carrot cake cookies.





I finished baking at midnight. Unfortunately everybody was asleep by then. The cookies got stale the next morning.

Thanks to my new regulated 10-6 work schedule, I left the house before my husband could give me some "smokey eyes", as he would call it.


Food cost went up again today.

May Day

It's the first day of May.

The April shower is over, it's time to rest by the glistening golden lake as sweet nothings echo through our ears.


Such a beautiful day. Unforgettable, like you.